Parenting techniques

It is true that the Western way of bringing up children is rather 'soft' and is not so concerned with values. I do not condone how children are allowed to call their parents by their first names instead of addressing them by their relation ie. Daddy or Mum. The Asian way is stricter and enforces discipline more, in comparison. It is quite sad to read how a son regards his father as a boss rather than as a loving parent, due to his harsh upbringing though.

As a tutor, I cane naughty kids only as a last resort. I have also learnt to offer praises even for little achievements and encouragement to the students who need it. It really is about sensing their needs and using the best ways to enable them to be motivated in their efforts. One common method used by some teachers and parents is reverse psychology, where the child is told that he is not good enough in the hope that he will desire to prove he is otherwise. It unfortunately does not work for everyone. Some children may think they really are not good enough and that no matter what they do, they can never be otherwise. The parent's or teacher's effort will have backfired then.

Professor Amy Chua's parenting memoir has sparked controversy. Her requirement for her daughters to practise their piano playing for 3 hours and to ace their school subjects are extreme for me. She is forcing them to do something they may not want to do in terms of the piano playing and she may be putting undue pressure on what their limited capabilities can take in terms of acing their subjects. My parents told me that they did not really put a lot of pressure on me in my studies as they could see that my forte was in other areas. Bless them!

Differing criteria

A person's spirituality and importance attached to his faith is the foremost criterion. His looks is a factor far down on the list. I don't agree with the reasoning that it can divulge his character, albeit the accurate musings that have occurred. I feel that the former is a much more accurate lead to his character, besides his hobbies.

Am I being naive with such thinking? I think the values we place priority on are different, and it stems from the prior choices we made in life, as well as the importance we place on our spirituality. It may sound arrogant but this is what I truly feel.

Anyway, based on status quo, my opinion seems to be reinforced. Perhaps it may be a deliberate attempt to show a certain side which may not be real, but I doubt so. Nonetheless, I know God is the one leading. Period.

Musicians are not recommended life-partners?!

An article on the types of men we should not bring home to our parents was featured. In it was Dai Yangtian's character in No Limits, the Mediacorp drama series shown at the moment. Wang Yule is a cellist who is reticent and emotionally reserved.

The reasoning is that musicians earn very little and thus cannot provide enough for their wives. I was saddened to read that. It is not just because I love the actor as well as this particular character, but because the two men I had serious feelings for are trained in music too. I guess I am different from women who look at the income level of their potential partners. That is a low priority on my criteria list.

To me, it gives pressure to men to be the sole provider of their new families. Taking care of the family should be a mutual task between the parents, I feel. Yes, it can equate to the men being the breadwinners and the women being the domestic supervisors. To me however, both parents can be breadwinners, notwithstanding the varying degrees. It is really the teamwork between the couple.

Material signs of love

Mariah Carey's husband buys a diamond ring for her on their annual wedding anniversary. Though he can afford it as a celebrity, it is not an accurate symbol of love.

Marriage is a sacred commitment a man and a woman make to each other, with God in the centre of it. Its love is constant and not based on emotion. Its love is a decision to stay faithful and loyal to each other. Buying a ring each year means having to ensure there is novelty in each upcoming design, contrary to this love marriage has.

Sincere vs devious labours of love

Cooking is a labour of love due to all the preparation and the effort involved, with sweat and tears(from cutting the onions) to accompany them.

I was watching the Rachel Ray show and there was an interview with Kim Khardashian. Kim has been involved in a long-time relationship with her boyfriend Reggie. Rachel asked if she loved to cook and she replied in the affirmative. She added that the reason why they have been together for so long is because of her cooking skills. Rachel ended the interview with the saying "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach".

The implication is that Kim schemed to keep Reggie by her side through her cooking. As she strives to improve it, she succeeds in retaining him as her boyfriend. This takes away the true meaning of cooking; the one I mentioned in the introduction. It seems as if there is no love and sincerity involved in cooking for him; but conscious deviousness for selfish reasons.

I cannot fathom ever trying to seduce my partner through cooking. I do cook for my loved ones but I do so with sincere feelings. I cook to share with them my favourite food or to cater to their liking for certain food, as simple as that. There are no complicated reasons or underlying motives.

Superficiality despite age

A woman featured in Urban for Valentine's Day had a particular approach towards maintaining her relationship which I find unbecoming and worldly. It is ironic how the writer termed her thought as "philosophical". She felt that in order to prevent infidelity, she should strive to preserve her looks and figure, besides other things.

Such things wear out with time. Being the older and supposedly wiser half in the relationship, this thought is certainly paradoxical. Even appearance-based beauty cannot conceal character flaws, should there be any. Could it stem from insecurity within her?

Celebrating Valentine's Day

A feature in Urban showed alternatives to the traditional gifts men give women on that day. The alternatives are presented as stylish in taste and cater more to the modern generation who has no qualms about spending a lot on products. However, being from the generation-X batch, I have acquired a simpler attitude towards gift-giving on this day.

As an alternative to roses, heels with roses as the design and a fragrance with roses as one of the ingredients are suggested. What is wrong with the flower itself? It may be a cliched choice but it symbolises romance.

Besides heart-shaped jewellery, heart-shaped furniture and leather keychains have infiltrated the market. These are definitely more expensive and decadent choices. I personally prefer a simple and tiny silver heart pendant attached to a silver chain.

Folding paper stars is a very nostalgic deed for most adults. I have done a similar thing for a friend and to me, the very act of it speaks volumes of the emotion behind the effort. I guess I was inspired by the Japanese legend of the paper cranes. In contrast, a diamond necklace of stars and a certificate entitling one to owning a real star seem too easy to obtain. With money, they can be possessed. What then makes them treasured?

Spending time with the one you love no matter what is done together is the real issue. Who cares about having a couple pilate session? Just having a meal, shopping or sharing mutual thoughts is already spending time with each other. Much less or even no money is spent in the process. Of course, the other alternative of renting DVDs to watch at home is much more appealing.

Chocolates and candy are other traditional gifts on that day. Unusual flavours of cookies like Nasi Lemak and Hainanese Chicken Rice from The Cookie Museum, as well as ice-cream like Teh Tarik and Pulut Hitam from Island Creamery are suggested as alternative options. They are novel but the cookies sound repulsive to be frank. I don't like to receive chocolates as gifts but it is after all a gift that has been given from the very beginning. It befits the occasion.