I overheard a mother and her son talking about an outfit they saw. They were shopping in the Ladies' Fashion department. He seemed to be around 10-12 years old. It was a real and heart-to-heart interaction. The mother used the word "kinky" to describe the outfit and he agreed with her.
How often do you come across a mother and son in the Ladies' Fashion department bonding over an outfit and using a shared jargon in their communication? That put a smile on my face.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
My new friend Rose
She works at Coral Isle Centrepoint and I was actually a customer. Somehow we got down to opening up and I realised we've some things in common. She likes to cook too and was a teacher too. Now I visit her whenever I go to Centrepoint and hang around in the shop. I will miss her when she leaves but I hope to keep in contact with her. :) She is the one on the right while the lady on her left is her manager.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Slightly different take on Gentlemanly Manners
I wrote an entry on this topic and I implied a discomfort with it. I still do.
I was called "gorgeous" and "beautiful" by someone and seriously, it gave me a sense of unease. I believe it was based on outer beauty, which I clearly lack. The only reason I can think of is racial perception. At the same time, it undermines professionalism, if only the other party realises it.
On the contrary, what comes naturally over time creates an impression. It is part of being a partner, I feel. The best thing is that it shows care and concern even as a friend, and is not limited to a specific gender.
I've a new perspective on being called such names. The tour guide in Turkey called other girls and I "sweetie" but I know it is from an older person's point of view. He is a father and I can sense no intention to give advances, which is the opposite of the person who called me "gorgeous" and "beautiful". I felt comfortable, surprisingly.
I was called "gorgeous" and "beautiful" by someone and seriously, it gave me a sense of unease. I believe it was based on outer beauty, which I clearly lack. The only reason I can think of is racial perception. At the same time, it undermines professionalism, if only the other party realises it.
On the contrary, what comes naturally over time creates an impression. It is part of being a partner, I feel. The best thing is that it shows care and concern even as a friend, and is not limited to a specific gender.
I've a new perspective on being called such names. The tour guide in Turkey called other girls and I "sweetie" but I know it is from an older person's point of view. He is a father and I can sense no intention to give advances, which is the opposite of the person who called me "gorgeous" and "beautiful". I felt comfortable, surprisingly.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
A beautiful death of an animal
Chris Erskine's article on his beloved dog touched the core of my heart. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that I am a dog-lover.
His dog was a quiet and lovable pet who never whimpered. I would love this dog to bits too. His dog's eyes just melted his heart. Indeed, the face of a dog can create havoc in a seemingly cold heart, what more in mine. Dogs with droppy ears, like bloodhounds, do me in too. My stuffed dog is one.
When he agreed to take Lucky in, Lucky went into spasms. Dogs do have feelings and that's why they are man's best friends. Lucky was probably afraid that he'd be homeless when his Korean owners left. With Chris agreeing to keep him, he knew he'd have a home and be loved. He'd not become a stray dog. Lucky was like the head of the house, making sure all his family members were safely back home before he could rest in bed. Such a sweet dog who was atypical as well. Dogs usually don't do that.
To Chris, Lucky was grateful and contented. Dogs are that. They don't ask for much except for love. A simple and yet profound request. Sometimes humans are even more demanding, myself included. How ironic that humans are associated with the greatest emotion - love and they are like that. Most females demand not just love but material goods too. They are allegedly more loving than males are but oh well..... Love isn't just buying things for your partner but doing little sweet things for him or her too.
I can sympathise with Chris's pain when Lucky didn't wag his tail anymore and just flopped on the grass, inert. My heart is filled with pangs too. To see your loved one withering away and losing weight, not eating well anymore, in misery and confusion, and just awaiting death, is a traumatic experience. Death thus becomes a release from such intense suffering. It's better for death to claim him or her then.
Lucky could have whimpered in such a condition but he didn't. Such strength in a dog just makes his loss to the family all the more tragic and greater. Strangely though, it also gives a sense of beauty to his departure. The sorrow they must have experienced is something I understand. He was indeed the best dog, from Chris's point of view.
His dog was a quiet and lovable pet who never whimpered. I would love this dog to bits too. His dog's eyes just melted his heart. Indeed, the face of a dog can create havoc in a seemingly cold heart, what more in mine. Dogs with droppy ears, like bloodhounds, do me in too. My stuffed dog is one.
When he agreed to take Lucky in, Lucky went into spasms. Dogs do have feelings and that's why they are man's best friends. Lucky was probably afraid that he'd be homeless when his Korean owners left. With Chris agreeing to keep him, he knew he'd have a home and be loved. He'd not become a stray dog. Lucky was like the head of the house, making sure all his family members were safely back home before he could rest in bed. Such a sweet dog who was atypical as well. Dogs usually don't do that.
To Chris, Lucky was grateful and contented. Dogs are that. They don't ask for much except for love. A simple and yet profound request. Sometimes humans are even more demanding, myself included. How ironic that humans are associated with the greatest emotion - love and they are like that. Most females demand not just love but material goods too. They are allegedly more loving than males are but oh well..... Love isn't just buying things for your partner but doing little sweet things for him or her too.
I can sympathise with Chris's pain when Lucky didn't wag his tail anymore and just flopped on the grass, inert. My heart is filled with pangs too. To see your loved one withering away and losing weight, not eating well anymore, in misery and confusion, and just awaiting death, is a traumatic experience. Death thus becomes a release from such intense suffering. It's better for death to claim him or her then.
Lucky could have whimpered in such a condition but he didn't. Such strength in a dog just makes his loss to the family all the more tragic and greater. Strangely though, it also gives a sense of beauty to his departure. The sorrow they must have experienced is something I understand. He was indeed the best dog, from Chris's point of view.
The journey to Mr Right
Simone Heng wrote about finding Mr Right in her column 'Sexless in the City'. She cited her experience of bringing her date to a BBQ and leaving him alone. I think that's rather mean of her. If you decide to date him, you should not feel uncomfortable holding his hand. It is just holding his hand, your date's hand, not anything more than that. She could have at least introduced him to her friends, so that he would not feel so left out. She should have thought of his feelings and how he saw the two of them. Keeping a distance from him was definitely hurting him.
She claims that she has gotten used to going to outings without a partner. In that case, she could have chosen not to bring him. Who says you have to bring your date on an outing with your friends? After all, she had her old friends to talk to.
She mentions her girlfriend as being one that cuts off contact with her friends for her partner. I guess most girls are guilty of this. Both of them find security with their partners and that is normal for girls. We always see men as the epitome of strength and safety, who can take care of us and protect us against harm.
Well, I hope she finds that "man whose hand (she) cannot resist taking in (hers) to tell the world that (they) are together." That will be a paradisal experience for her.
She claims that she has gotten used to going to outings without a partner. In that case, she could have chosen not to bring him. Who says you have to bring your date on an outing with your friends? After all, she had her old friends to talk to.
She mentions her girlfriend as being one that cuts off contact with her friends for her partner. I guess most girls are guilty of this. Both of them find security with their partners and that is normal for girls. We always see men as the epitome of strength and safety, who can take care of us and protect us against harm.
Well, I hope she finds that "man whose hand (she) cannot resist taking in (hers) to tell the world that (they) are together." That will be a paradisal experience for her.
Smsing between parents and children
Cheong Suk-Wai attributes the improved communication with her mother to the invention of smses. I use smses to communicate with my dad for the same purposes as she does. My mum's smsing skills are atrocious. :P
I use them when I have had a fight with my dad or when we are too hurt to speak to each other. Somehow written words are easier to bring out my feelings as I don't have to face him. The phone becomes a wall of protection till we are ready to break it down. In the process, our true feelings flow out and I treasure those smses.
At the same time, we sms each other to ask after each other and for other "mundane" things like household duties. It is much cheaper than a phone call and we get a number of smses free too. It is also more suitable for just a few words to be exchanged.
Of course, the main reason is that I prefer to sms rather than speak, even on normal occasions. I guess I'm more of a writer than a speak-er.
I use them when I have had a fight with my dad or when we are too hurt to speak to each other. Somehow written words are easier to bring out my feelings as I don't have to face him. The phone becomes a wall of protection till we are ready to break it down. In the process, our true feelings flow out and I treasure those smses.
At the same time, we sms each other to ask after each other and for other "mundane" things like household duties. It is much cheaper than a phone call and we get a number of smses free too. It is also more suitable for just a few words to be exchanged.
Of course, the main reason is that I prefer to sms rather than speak, even on normal occasions. I guess I'm more of a writer than a speak-er.
Arranged marriage vs love marriage and honesty in love
Simone Heng posed these questions to her readers and this is my take on it.
I feel that love should be the essence of a marriage. With love, emotional intimacy comes in and that is more important than physical intimacy. The marriage will then be emotionally stable. As for monetary abundance, the man will be just like an bank account and he will resent it sooner or later. The lack of feelings for each other will adversely affect the children who will come into the picture, who will be born for lineage purposes rather than out of love.
If a person were to be simultaneously dating two partners, he or she should have the courtesy to choose one. The truth will hurt but that's being ethical and fair in love. The one who will be dumped will be angry and hurt, but at least he or she won't be deceived any longer. The one who will be lucky enough to be chosen will feel the same but will ultimately be relieved that he or she has become the only lover in the person's life.
Dating is not just a casual outing with someone but encompasses romantic feelings for that person too. One should not play with those feelings. Staying with the one you don't feel as much for as well, so as not to hurt him or her is not being benevolent but being insincere and unfaithful to two people. Your heart is not fully with one and is split between two. Thus, each one gets just half of it. Make it clear to both of them.
Keeping the two partners hidden from each other isn't going to work in the long run. The truth will always reign. Uncontrollable factors will come into the picture. It is very tiring having to make up stories to cover up for your whereabouts and to think of remote places to go to so as to avoid bumping into one another. Besides, Singapore is so small. Where can you run to? By the time hearts are broken, it will be too late to mend them and salvage the friendships.
I feel that love should be the essence of a marriage. With love, emotional intimacy comes in and that is more important than physical intimacy. The marriage will then be emotionally stable. As for monetary abundance, the man will be just like an bank account and he will resent it sooner or later. The lack of feelings for each other will adversely affect the children who will come into the picture, who will be born for lineage purposes rather than out of love.
If a person were to be simultaneously dating two partners, he or she should have the courtesy to choose one. The truth will hurt but that's being ethical and fair in love. The one who will be dumped will be angry and hurt, but at least he or she won't be deceived any longer. The one who will be lucky enough to be chosen will feel the same but will ultimately be relieved that he or she has become the only lover in the person's life.
Dating is not just a casual outing with someone but encompasses romantic feelings for that person too. One should not play with those feelings. Staying with the one you don't feel as much for as well, so as not to hurt him or her is not being benevolent but being insincere and unfaithful to two people. Your heart is not fully with one and is split between two. Thus, each one gets just half of it. Make it clear to both of them.
Keeping the two partners hidden from each other isn't going to work in the long run. The truth will always reign. Uncontrollable factors will come into the picture. It is very tiring having to make up stories to cover up for your whereabouts and to think of remote places to go to so as to avoid bumping into one another. Besides, Singapore is so small. Where can you run to? By the time hearts are broken, it will be too late to mend them and salvage the friendships.
Feedback on a diamond determining love
Some readers wrote in to comment about Sandra's article and I'm glad they did.
Sharini sympathises with the man with average earnings. A kindred spirit! Indeed, a woman who truly understands her lover will not be unhappy with the size of the gem. If the ring is just meant for her to show off, then it somehow undermines the fact that she does cherish this symbol of commitment. She should be keeping it close to her heart(not in a literal sense) since it is between she and her lover.
Siew Lynn has similar views about how a ring doesn't guarantee a lasting relationship. "It will take more than a big diamond ring to keep it all together." She makes us think about the man's point of view, a good strategy to jolt the selfish women awake. If the man is as particular about the material possession he gets from his partner, how would she feel?
A man finally wrote in to lambaste such materialistic women. Kudos to him! Frederick expresses his unhappiness over women who ask their men to "blow their money" on a diamond ring. The money men earn is also meant for themselves, not to be wholly spent on their lovers! It is true that we should give others a positive impression about ourselves through our deeds and even character, instead of through our possessions. We can't bring the latter with us to our graves, can we?
Sharini sympathises with the man with average earnings. A kindred spirit! Indeed, a woman who truly understands her lover will not be unhappy with the size of the gem. If the ring is just meant for her to show off, then it somehow undermines the fact that she does cherish this symbol of commitment. She should be keeping it close to her heart(not in a literal sense) since it is between she and her lover.
Siew Lynn has similar views about how a ring doesn't guarantee a lasting relationship. "It will take more than a big diamond ring to keep it all together." She makes us think about the man's point of view, a good strategy to jolt the selfish women awake. If the man is as particular about the material possession he gets from his partner, how would she feel?
A man finally wrote in to lambaste such materialistic women. Kudos to him! Frederick expresses his unhappiness over women who ask their men to "blow their money" on a diamond ring. The money men earn is also meant for themselves, not to be wholly spent on their lovers! It is true that we should give others a positive impression about ourselves through our deeds and even character, instead of through our possessions. We can't bring the latter with us to our graves, can we?
Does the diamond's size define his degree of love
Sandra Leong penned an article on how she wants a good engagement ring. I beg to differ on her thoughts regarding the importance of an expensive ring in a love relationship. Indeed, the materialistic forces of this world has influenced her, especially the women's magazines out there.
Basically, the quality of the ring doesn't determine how much a man loves you. He can give you a huge gem but it cannot guarantee his undying love for you. There is still a chance that the relationship won't last. It seems to me that romance is more important than love in the mind of Sandra. Love doesn't have to be ruled by such rituals.
There are other things that are sweet and less materialistic that he can do for you. What if he is not a millionaire and can't afford an expensive ring, but he treats you as a queen in his own special ways? Do you dump him because he is a pauper? Travelling a long way just to make sure you are safely home, wanting to spend more time with you at the expense of that with others and taking good care of you when you are with him, are also gestures that show his love for you. Call me naive at being touched by such small things but little drops of water make a mighty ocean, don't they? No wonder men who are not rich but not poor either feel ostracized.
Her friend J defined marriage as boring. I find that difficult to fathom. Marriage needs work and is not perfect, since it is between two humans. It is probably boring in that sense.
I am more into the wedding gown when it comes to the wedding. The design must be personally appealing and flattering, but more importantly, it must be appropriate for my church's dress code and not overshadow my husband's suit. The bride is usually in the limelight on that day but won't her husband feel small as a result? I must think of my husband's feelings too.
At the same time, money is an issue too. The dresses don't have to be from a designer and the reception as well as dinner can do without fancy food, the dummy cake and the champagne pouring. One evening gown or at the most two, will do. Another reason is that if I keep going out to change during the dinner, I won't get to eat much and it will be physically tiring too.
Basically, the quality of the ring doesn't determine how much a man loves you. He can give you a huge gem but it cannot guarantee his undying love for you. There is still a chance that the relationship won't last. It seems to me that romance is more important than love in the mind of Sandra. Love doesn't have to be ruled by such rituals.
There are other things that are sweet and less materialistic that he can do for you. What if he is not a millionaire and can't afford an expensive ring, but he treats you as a queen in his own special ways? Do you dump him because he is a pauper? Travelling a long way just to make sure you are safely home, wanting to spend more time with you at the expense of that with others and taking good care of you when you are with him, are also gestures that show his love for you. Call me naive at being touched by such small things but little drops of water make a mighty ocean, don't they? No wonder men who are not rich but not poor either feel ostracized.
Her friend J defined marriage as boring. I find that difficult to fathom. Marriage needs work and is not perfect, since it is between two humans. It is probably boring in that sense.
I am more into the wedding gown when it comes to the wedding. The design must be personally appealing and flattering, but more importantly, it must be appropriate for my church's dress code and not overshadow my husband's suit. The bride is usually in the limelight on that day but won't her husband feel small as a result? I must think of my husband's feelings too.
At the same time, money is an issue too. The dresses don't have to be from a designer and the reception as well as dinner can do without fancy food, the dummy cake and the champagne pouring. One evening gown or at the most two, will do. Another reason is that if I keep going out to change during the dinner, I won't get to eat much and it will be physically tiring too.
The price of slimness
The newspaper carried an article on Carina Lau imposing a restriction on her boyfriend Tony Leung's eating habits. The uncalled-for act resulted from a trivial desire to have him look good in his poses with her for the media photographers. She may have achieved her aim but it caused his health to suffer. Obviously it did not matter to her since her reply to it was so callous and nonchalant. Did she consider that she was being self-centred and unloving, that she was controlling his lifestyle??
Different sides to the same woman
Teo Cheng Wee wrote an article on how his female friends behave in a completely different manner when they are with their partners. He expressed his shock at having seen such a change in them.
His Taiwanese friend portrays herself to be more than a tinge unreasonable when she was extremely angry with her partner for being late for their appointment. He had apologised numerous times to her and had given her a reason for it. Perhaps his reason was not good enough but she did not have to embarrass him in front of another male. Pulling her male friend's hand and walking next to him, just to spite her partner and teach him a lesson, is unbecoming of her. Her partner has his pride too.
His married friend displays monstrous behaviour with the way she treated her husband in front of their guests. She treated him like a servant. As the co-owner of the house, it was not wrong of him to mix with the guests. He may have said something inappropriate or dull but that does not justify her reaction. She made him seem imbecile before getting him out of her sight. As his wife, she should have covered up for his mistake by adding something instead of trying to save her own 'face'. I pity her husband and admire his patience with her.
Yes, perhaps both the victims were timid and did not dare to retaliate, but women are known to be the epitome of love. Where is the love in these cases? Ironically, it was the men who gave in. The former seems to be testing her partners before deciding to marry them. In an indirect manner, it is like playing-hard-to-get. No wonder that man broke up with her. She deserves it.
I agree with Cheng Wee about treating one's partner better than one's friends. He or she is closer to you than anyone else, except your family.
His Taiwanese friend portrays herself to be more than a tinge unreasonable when she was extremely angry with her partner for being late for their appointment. He had apologised numerous times to her and had given her a reason for it. Perhaps his reason was not good enough but she did not have to embarrass him in front of another male. Pulling her male friend's hand and walking next to him, just to spite her partner and teach him a lesson, is unbecoming of her. Her partner has his pride too.
His married friend displays monstrous behaviour with the way she treated her husband in front of their guests. She treated him like a servant. As the co-owner of the house, it was not wrong of him to mix with the guests. He may have said something inappropriate or dull but that does not justify her reaction. She made him seem imbecile before getting him out of her sight. As his wife, she should have covered up for his mistake by adding something instead of trying to save her own 'face'. I pity her husband and admire his patience with her.
Yes, perhaps both the victims were timid and did not dare to retaliate, but women are known to be the epitome of love. Where is the love in these cases? Ironically, it was the men who gave in. The former seems to be testing her partners before deciding to marry them. In an indirect manner, it is like playing-hard-to-get. No wonder that man broke up with her. She deserves it.
I agree with Cheng Wee about treating one's partner better than one's friends. He or she is closer to you than anyone else, except your family.
The ties in the working world
Employers must deserve that loyalty from their workers. I can't deny this fact. If the workers are badly treated and unappreciated for their consistent efforts, then they can't be blamed for wanting to leave the company. It does work both ways.
Strained teacher-student relationships
A student from a neighbourhood school had verbally abused his teacher. I was shocked to know that it had been brought to court. My take on it is that it must have been more than once that he had done that to his teacher, for her to resort to the law to settle the matter. Perhaps she didn't get the support and understanding from her principal and decided to take matters into her own hand, or perhaps her principal had backed her up on this. It may have been that she had wanted to teach the student a lesson the hard way, to be responsible for his actions.
I feel that this reflects a deficiency of love and patience towards her students, which a teacher should have. I'm also in the teaching line. If this was meant to be a lesson, then the method is rather harsh and has the likely potential of ruining his future. Somehow, that actually evokes compassion in me for the student. The act of spewing vulgarities doesn't justify the punishment of being blacklisted for life.
On the other hand, the student was impertinent and had caused her mental and emotional distress. It really boils down to the influences in his life. The dominant ones in a youth's life are: the media which portrays such an act as 'cool' and just a way of "cooling off", the friends he mixes with who speak in a similar manner and the lack of parental supervision towards his TV viewing habits. So is he really at fault or is he a victim of societal influences? Perhaps the teacher should think about this point
I feel that this reflects a deficiency of love and patience towards her students, which a teacher should have. I'm also in the teaching line. If this was meant to be a lesson, then the method is rather harsh and has the likely potential of ruining his future. Somehow, that actually evokes compassion in me for the student. The act of spewing vulgarities doesn't justify the punishment of being blacklisted for life.
On the other hand, the student was impertinent and had caused her mental and emotional distress. It really boils down to the influences in his life. The dominant ones in a youth's life are: the media which portrays such an act as 'cool' and just a way of "cooling off", the friends he mixes with who speak in a similar manner and the lack of parental supervision towards his TV viewing habits. So is he really at fault or is he a victim of societal influences? Perhaps the teacher should think about this point
Friday, August 22, 2008
Poignant lyrics at this point in time
Anything for you by Gloria Estefan
I can pretend each time I see you
That I don't care and I don't need you
And though you'll never see me cryin'
You know inside I feel like dying
And Id do anything for you
In spite of it all
Ive learned so much from you
You made me strong
But don't you ever think that I don't love you
That for one minute I forgot you
I hope you find someone to please you
Someone who'll care and never leave you
But if that someone ever hurts you
You just might need a friend to turn to
And I'd do anything for you
I'll give you up
If thats what I should do
To make you happy
Don't wanna lose you by Gloria Estefan
Sometimes it's hard to make things clear
Or know when to face the truth
And I know when the moment is here
I'll open my heart and show you inside
My love has no pride
I feel with you I've got nothing to hide
So open your eyes and see who I am
And not who you want for me to be
I am only myself, myself
I don't wanna lose you now
We're gonna get through somehow
I don't wanna lose you now or ever
cause baby I've finally found
The courage to stand my ground
But if you want me, I'll be around forever
We all make mistakes
We all lose our way
But we stood the test of time and I hope
That's the way it will stay
It's all up to you, to tell me to go
cause it won't be me to walk away
When you're all that I know
Here we are by Gloria Estefan
And though no one knows what's going on inside
And all the love I feel for you
Is something I should hide
When I have you close to me
The feelings so sublime
That there's nothing I can do
To keep from loving you
Words get in the way by Gloria Estefan
Your heart has always been an open door
But baby I don't even know you any more
And despite the fact it's hurting me,
I know the time has come to set you free
I can pretend each time I see you
That I don't care and I don't need you
And though you'll never see me cryin'
You know inside I feel like dying
And Id do anything for you
In spite of it all
Ive learned so much from you
You made me strong
But don't you ever think that I don't love you
That for one minute I forgot you
I hope you find someone to please you
Someone who'll care and never leave you
But if that someone ever hurts you
You just might need a friend to turn to
And I'd do anything for you
I'll give you up
If thats what I should do
To make you happy
Don't wanna lose you by Gloria Estefan
Sometimes it's hard to make things clear
Or know when to face the truth
And I know when the moment is here
I'll open my heart and show you inside
My love has no pride
I feel with you I've got nothing to hide
So open your eyes and see who I am
And not who you want for me to be
I am only myself, myself
I don't wanna lose you now
We're gonna get through somehow
I don't wanna lose you now or ever
cause baby I've finally found
The courage to stand my ground
But if you want me, I'll be around forever
We all make mistakes
We all lose our way
But we stood the test of time and I hope
That's the way it will stay
It's all up to you, to tell me to go
cause it won't be me to walk away
When you're all that I know
Here we are by Gloria Estefan
And though no one knows what's going on inside
And all the love I feel for you
Is something I should hide
When I have you close to me
The feelings so sublime
That there's nothing I can do
To keep from loving you
Words get in the way by Gloria Estefan
Your heart has always been an open door
But baby I don't even know you any more
And despite the fact it's hurting me,
I know the time has come to set you free
Written vs spoken and face-to-face expression
The exchange of thoughts and feelings between persons has come a long way. Perfumed papers, fountain pens and floral envelopes, sealed with love and friendship, ruled the day. Snail mail was the way of conveyance. Now emails, instant chats and smses take over such "primitive methods". A click of the buttons is enough to send the messages over to the other party.
I incorporate both ways of expression in my exchanges with people. I feel that though writing on paper is seen as troublesome, it is a nostalgic act of taking that trouble to do so for someone you care. I've extended my ways of sending letters to either putting them personally in the other party's postbox or handing them personally to the person upon meeting him or her. Technological methods are seemingly more convenient and quicker, provided the other party has equal access to such technology. Computers and handphones are susceptible to breakdown, as all machines are.
Nonetheless, written expression allows us to select what we want to let the other party know. What is to be concealed remains so. Even words are carefully chosen to aid the concealment. Does this smack of insincere and untruthful communication? Spoken and face-to-face communication on the other hand, show our real selves to others, even without our conscious knowledge. Tone creeps into spoken communication and affects the way our words are interpreted by people while face-to-face communication is accompanied by body language which has an interpretative effect as well. What is not conscious does not lie because we don't have control over it to choose how or whether to bring it across to people. Emotion is also brought across effectively, if you want the person to be aware of it but subtly.
In a way, written communication can become a form of avoidance towards real contact. When there is an impending breakup or awkwardness, a letter can soften the impact. Any negative exchange can be tempered via written expression. However, spending time with people who matter should be via spoken and face-to-face contact. It creates more emotional intimacy when you spend time together on the phone or meet up for a meal. Somehow, such times will seem more special.
Out of all written communication, technological methods can cause fallibility amidst convenience and speed. The list of friends we have is arranged alphabetically and if we send a message meant for a specific person to someone else by mistake, all hell breaks loose. This is especially true if we talk about someone to others and that someone gets that very message by mistake.
I incorporate both ways of expression in my exchanges with people. I feel that though writing on paper is seen as troublesome, it is a nostalgic act of taking that trouble to do so for someone you care. I've extended my ways of sending letters to either putting them personally in the other party's postbox or handing them personally to the person upon meeting him or her. Technological methods are seemingly more convenient and quicker, provided the other party has equal access to such technology. Computers and handphones are susceptible to breakdown, as all machines are.
Nonetheless, written expression allows us to select what we want to let the other party know. What is to be concealed remains so. Even words are carefully chosen to aid the concealment. Does this smack of insincere and untruthful communication? Spoken and face-to-face communication on the other hand, show our real selves to others, even without our conscious knowledge. Tone creeps into spoken communication and affects the way our words are interpreted by people while face-to-face communication is accompanied by body language which has an interpretative effect as well. What is not conscious does not lie because we don't have control over it to choose how or whether to bring it across to people. Emotion is also brought across effectively, if you want the person to be aware of it but subtly.
In a way, written communication can become a form of avoidance towards real contact. When there is an impending breakup or awkwardness, a letter can soften the impact. Any negative exchange can be tempered via written expression. However, spending time with people who matter should be via spoken and face-to-face contact. It creates more emotional intimacy when you spend time together on the phone or meet up for a meal. Somehow, such times will seem more special.
Out of all written communication, technological methods can cause fallibility amidst convenience and speed. The list of friends we have is arranged alphabetically and if we send a message meant for a specific person to someone else by mistake, all hell breaks loose. This is especially true if we talk about someone to others and that someone gets that very message by mistake.
Parental abuse at its extreme
Ever since the news of Nonoi's tragic fate broke in the papers, people have understandably looked at her stepfather with scornful eyes, I believe. This is just an addition to other understated news like relatives molesting or sexually abusing their younger family members. With the most recent one on a mother getting her son to buy drugs for her and physically abusing him when he doesn't looming in the papers, I can't help but question whether the criteria of a parent is clear enough to them.
A parent definitely doesn't do the above. Sexual and physical abuse as well as murder is not love but a betrayal of absolute trust and unconditional love from the child!
If they were parents in an unexpected manner through pre-marital sex, then though they chose the lesser of two evils by not aborting the child, they are really venting their own frustration and resentment on the child. Of course, there are also selfish desires and lustful desires in these cases. In Nonoi's case, perhaps there was a desire for the mother only and she was seen as a burden? This resentment may have been buried deep inside him. I'm just speculating though.
Control is really the key to all of these. Control of emotion, lust and bodily desire for the indulgence in vice, to be more specific.
A parent definitely doesn't do the above. Sexual and physical abuse as well as murder is not love but a betrayal of absolute trust and unconditional love from the child!
If they were parents in an unexpected manner through pre-marital sex, then though they chose the lesser of two evils by not aborting the child, they are really venting their own frustration and resentment on the child. Of course, there are also selfish desires and lustful desires in these cases. In Nonoi's case, perhaps there was a desire for the mother only and she was seen as a burden? This resentment may have been buried deep inside him. I'm just speculating though.
Control is really the key to all of these. Control of emotion, lust and bodily desire for the indulgence in vice, to be more specific.
Reasoning vs violence in disciplining children and the proper way to criticise
I don't know if this is the mentality of the older generation but still it annoys me tremendously to see that the rod is used indiscriminatingly. When they feel they want to maintain their 'face' in front of others, they disregard the poor child's feelings and just fetch the cane. I wonder if they truly feel pain when they whack the child, as the adage goes.
I think reasoning works equally well when correcting a wrong. You don't even need to use a booming voice when doing so. It's more of whether the child understands your words, or else what he'll hear is only the loud volume of your scolding. So I use a soft and patient tone to correct him.
They seem to wonder why I get respected more than they do. Do they realise it's because of the differing methods used in disciplining? Children obviously respond better to a non-violent approach. In the end, they just appear foolish in the child's eyes.
Indeed, criticism is essential to the improvement of one's performance and the molding of one's character. However, there is a method of criticising so as to aid greater receptivity. With it should accompany praise to maintain a balance. Also, focus on the behaviour and not the child himself. The latter is difficult to achieve and it needs loving discernment.
I think reasoning works equally well when correcting a wrong. You don't even need to use a booming voice when doing so. It's more of whether the child understands your words, or else what he'll hear is only the loud volume of your scolding. So I use a soft and patient tone to correct him.
They seem to wonder why I get respected more than they do. Do they realise it's because of the differing methods used in disciplining? Children obviously respond better to a non-violent approach. In the end, they just appear foolish in the child's eyes.
Indeed, criticism is essential to the improvement of one's performance and the molding of one's character. However, there is a method of criticising so as to aid greater receptivity. With it should accompany praise to maintain a balance. Also, focus on the behaviour and not the child himself. The latter is difficult to achieve and it needs loving discernment.
The trend of putting elderly family members in old folks' homes
There was an article about a family who left their elderly member in an old folks' home before they went overseas for a stipulated period of time. It was done out of good intention, since there was no one at home to look after him. They would fetch him when they returned from their trip.
This reminds me of the trend of children sending their aged parents to the homes. There are good reasons why they do so. They worry when their parents are left alone at home or when the maid does a bad job of taking care of them. They feel secure in the knowledge that the professional caregivers in the homes are there for their parents. On the other hand, there are children who undeniably abandon their parents in the homes because they cannot be bothered to provide for the ones who first gave birth to them, when they have the means to do so. These people think that money is everything and with it, they can pay any welfare home to take their parents in for life.
The point I want to make here is that the latter's underlying reasons should not be condoned but the former's should be understood. Find them out first before making unfair judgements on the actions. Worse still, do not treat your own elderly family members more badly than what you see being done on others' parents.
This reminds me of the trend of children sending their aged parents to the homes. There are good reasons why they do so. They worry when their parents are left alone at home or when the maid does a bad job of taking care of them. They feel secure in the knowledge that the professional caregivers in the homes are there for their parents. On the other hand, there are children who undeniably abandon their parents in the homes because they cannot be bothered to provide for the ones who first gave birth to them, when they have the means to do so. These people think that money is everything and with it, they can pay any welfare home to take their parents in for life.
The point I want to make here is that the latter's underlying reasons should not be condoned but the former's should be understood. Find them out first before making unfair judgements on the actions. Worse still, do not treat your own elderly family members more badly than what you see being done on others' parents.
Friendships
It is difficult to maintain friendships made on holidays because when the vacations end, so too will the friendships, no matter how close they were. Couples who meet in this manner can only be said to be led and guided by God. We are given time to spend with our new friends and that is what makes our trips memorable. The fates intertwined then will stay buried in the past and in our hearts. Thus it's best to live in the present as we never know what the future holds for us. We should also treasure our gifts as they may be taken back from us the very next day. This is to ensure that we can move on in life.
Time and distance do not diminish friendships if two people still have each other in their hearts. :)
As we grow older, we see our parents as friends. I resented their actions when younger, like most teenagers do but now I tell them most of my problems and any interesting events that happen to me. :)
Time and distance do not diminish friendships if two people still have each other in their hearts. :)
As we grow older, we see our parents as friends. I resented their actions when younger, like most teenagers do but now I tell them most of my problems and any interesting events that happen to me. :)
One of the criteria of being a true friend...
We usually think of definitions like caring, understanding, being there when needed or mutual interests when this question pops into our minds. This one I'm about to reveal is a rare but very true factor.
A true friend is someone who thinks of your welfare to the extent that he or she is not afraid to say things you may not like to hear but which are for your benefit. He or she points out your flaws or gives opinions as to better ways to handle issues you're facing. This friend is not afraid should you get angry and refuse to talk to him or her after hearing these things because he or she knows he or she was but showing care for you.
I prefer this type of friend who actually bothers to do this for me rather than another type of friend who chooses to break the friendship because of my flaws. It shows more commitment towards the friendship and more genuine plus lasting feelings for me. I'm blessed with such people in my life. Praise God! :)
A true friend is someone who thinks of your welfare to the extent that he or she is not afraid to say things you may not like to hear but which are for your benefit. He or she points out your flaws or gives opinions as to better ways to handle issues you're facing. This friend is not afraid should you get angry and refuse to talk to him or her after hearing these things because he or she knows he or she was but showing care for you.
I prefer this type of friend who actually bothers to do this for me rather than another type of friend who chooses to break the friendship because of my flaws. It shows more commitment towards the friendship and more genuine plus lasting feelings for me. I'm blessed with such people in my life. Praise God! :)
Gentlemanly gestures - necessary or indulgent?
I was waiting for a bus when I saw a crowd of secondary students walk to the same bus stop. I was annoyed because they're typically noisy, especially the boys. As I was queuing up to board the bus, I decided to go to the side instead because I thought that they'd probably take up all the seats on the bus. As it is, I was already irritated when they came.
One of them, a decent-looking boy, made a gentlemanly gesture with his hand to indicate I could go up first. Though I thanked him, what flashed through my mind was that he was probably doing it to impress his friends. After some time, I was calmer and realised it may have been really out of goodwill.
The point I am trying to make is this. I'm not middle-aged so he wasn't respecting his elders for sure. However neither do I look my age though I definitely look older than a secondary school girl, I reckon. He was just trying to be gentlemanly.
Well, it is not a bad thing to have such encounters but I wouldn't feel deprived should I not have them. I really don't think they are necessary to make me feel like a lady. I can feel like one in other ways like dressing and walking.
I'm not undermining guys who are naturally gentlemanly towards ladies, especially those who do it towards their partners as a caring gesture but I'd not be appreciative of those who put on a show just to create a good impression.
On the contrary, I abhor ladies who expect guys to be gentlemanly towards them and abuse the privilege. I mentioned in my blog that I saw a girl expressing her displeasure at her male friend for being late but perhaps he had a valid reason that she didn't bother to find out. Must all guys wait for their female companions when meeting them, even if they're late?! A relationship goes beyond these external things, I believe.
I saw a well-dressed woman at a hotel. She was looking at her male companion moving some things. I feel that even if she was wearing heels, a dress and carrying a bag (which she was), she could have still done something else to help set things up. After all, they were the organizers of the event.
I get annoyed when ladies think that their dressing and fragility allows them the opportunity to get off scot-free when doing work. I think it's unfair to guys to do all the work and I think they'd be thankful for some help!
That's why I had no qualms about helping a guy to carry chairs at a wedding reception, even though I was wearing a long dress, low heels and carrying a bag! He was doing it all on his own and though I must have looked foolish, I don't think standing around waiting for others to do the work was very wise either! The guys did that too and the guy carrying the chairs was a guest too! Things have to flow efficiently and sometimes one's impression may have to be compromised in the process!
I also help to carry hymnals from the church to my choir room before practice. I don't think gender has anything to do with this. Though the guys usually do it, it doesn't hurt for girls to help them! It's just books we're talking about here! Such indulgence by guys would be spoiling them but of course, it's not guys' fault for being nice!
To wait for guys and expect to be served by them is tantamount to being bratish and princess-like. However, even Cinderella did chores before she became a princess! Well then, they probably belong to the Stepsisters' Club!
In a relationship, it'd give the guys pressure to cater to the girls' needs all the time. I think it'd be more ideal if the girls try to cater to the guys' needs too! Such attempt at more equality would be desirable because though guys are strong, they are still human! They need this type of love too! The love shared would thus be stronger, lasting, giving and more genuine.
One of them, a decent-looking boy, made a gentlemanly gesture with his hand to indicate I could go up first. Though I thanked him, what flashed through my mind was that he was probably doing it to impress his friends. After some time, I was calmer and realised it may have been really out of goodwill.
The point I am trying to make is this. I'm not middle-aged so he wasn't respecting his elders for sure. However neither do I look my age though I definitely look older than a secondary school girl, I reckon. He was just trying to be gentlemanly.
Well, it is not a bad thing to have such encounters but I wouldn't feel deprived should I not have them. I really don't think they are necessary to make me feel like a lady. I can feel like one in other ways like dressing and walking.
I'm not undermining guys who are naturally gentlemanly towards ladies, especially those who do it towards their partners as a caring gesture but I'd not be appreciative of those who put on a show just to create a good impression.
On the contrary, I abhor ladies who expect guys to be gentlemanly towards them and abuse the privilege. I mentioned in my blog that I saw a girl expressing her displeasure at her male friend for being late but perhaps he had a valid reason that she didn't bother to find out. Must all guys wait for their female companions when meeting them, even if they're late?! A relationship goes beyond these external things, I believe.
I saw a well-dressed woman at a hotel. She was looking at her male companion moving some things. I feel that even if she was wearing heels, a dress and carrying a bag (which she was), she could have still done something else to help set things up. After all, they were the organizers of the event.
I get annoyed when ladies think that their dressing and fragility allows them the opportunity to get off scot-free when doing work. I think it's unfair to guys to do all the work and I think they'd be thankful for some help!
That's why I had no qualms about helping a guy to carry chairs at a wedding reception, even though I was wearing a long dress, low heels and carrying a bag! He was doing it all on his own and though I must have looked foolish, I don't think standing around waiting for others to do the work was very wise either! The guys did that too and the guy carrying the chairs was a guest too! Things have to flow efficiently and sometimes one's impression may have to be compromised in the process!
I also help to carry hymnals from the church to my choir room before practice. I don't think gender has anything to do with this. Though the guys usually do it, it doesn't hurt for girls to help them! It's just books we're talking about here! Such indulgence by guys would be spoiling them but of course, it's not guys' fault for being nice!
To wait for guys and expect to be served by them is tantamount to being bratish and princess-like. However, even Cinderella did chores before she became a princess! Well then, they probably belong to the Stepsisters' Club!
In a relationship, it'd give the guys pressure to cater to the girls' needs all the time. I think it'd be more ideal if the girls try to cater to the guys' needs too! Such attempt at more equality would be desirable because though guys are strong, they are still human! They need this type of love too! The love shared would thus be stronger, lasting, giving and more genuine.
Perceptions on Love
True lovers always die, both in the literary world and in the historical world. Romeo and Juliet as well as Anthony and Cleopatra make up some of them. As a result, is there a point in pursuing true love?
Yes, it may be transient but when true love touches the life of someone who is fortunate enough to be gifted with it, he or she should not reject it even if it lasts for only a moment. Some people don't even have that chance to be bestowed with it, as Lord Alfred Tennyson, the Victorian poet laurete, wrote in one of his poems, 'Tis better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all.'
I would like to have that chance if possible. If it lasts for only a minute, I still wouldn't mind it. After all, that special and intimate feeling shared between 2 people would have been given to me at least once in this lifetime. The very mutual desire for and knowledge of it would have been enough.
True love is really unconditional love, being with someone through good and bad times, fulfilling the marriage vow made to each other. My dad's a living example of such a lover. It would hence be good if my partner is like him.
I strongly believe in chemistry and mutual feeling between 2 people. I would prefer to marry for love rather than necessity or companionship. There will be true sincerity in this way. That doesn't mean I believe in love at first sight though.
There may be compatibility between 2 people but if they don't have mutual feeling which is developed with time, then it'll be difficult to sustain the relationship. They'll not be able to accept each other's flaws and resentment for each other will build up. Love is patient and blind but love is also to do with chemistry. Only when there is feeling will there be patience and blindness.
Of course, the greatest and most perfect lover is still God who died for our salvation out of love for us and doesn't stop loving us even when we stray away from Him.
Yes, it may be transient but when true love touches the life of someone who is fortunate enough to be gifted with it, he or she should not reject it even if it lasts for only a moment. Some people don't even have that chance to be bestowed with it, as Lord Alfred Tennyson, the Victorian poet laurete, wrote in one of his poems, 'Tis better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all.'
I would like to have that chance if possible. If it lasts for only a minute, I still wouldn't mind it. After all, that special and intimate feeling shared between 2 people would have been given to me at least once in this lifetime. The very mutual desire for and knowledge of it would have been enough.
True love is really unconditional love, being with someone through good and bad times, fulfilling the marriage vow made to each other. My dad's a living example of such a lover. It would hence be good if my partner is like him.
I strongly believe in chemistry and mutual feeling between 2 people. I would prefer to marry for love rather than necessity or companionship. There will be true sincerity in this way. That doesn't mean I believe in love at first sight though.
There may be compatibility between 2 people but if they don't have mutual feeling which is developed with time, then it'll be difficult to sustain the relationship. They'll not be able to accept each other's flaws and resentment for each other will build up. Love is patient and blind but love is also to do with chemistry. Only when there is feeling will there be patience and blindness.
Of course, the greatest and most perfect lover is still God who died for our salvation out of love for us and doesn't stop loving us even when we stray away from Him.
Speech
One can be angry and yet speak softly simultaneously. It's not the volume of one's speech but the tone and choice of words as well. That's the power and beauty (?) of language.
The ghost of our future.
In the story A Christmas Carol, the ghost of Christmas future appears to Scrooge, showing him how he'll not be mourned upon his death and how Tiny Tim'll be missed in turn.
A question in the same context was posed - how do you want to be remembered upon your death?
It did set me thinking. For people to remember my talents, I feel, is not as good as remembering my character. I went on to think of those who matter to me. The time I've spent with them is precious but really, time in itself is relative. I can be emotionally intimate with someone I've known for a few years as compared to someone else I've known for decades. It's really the personality of the person and God's seal of approval upon the relationship.
However, my conclusion is that I can't determine or choose how they'll remember me then. In turn, what should matter is that God remembers me because if He doesn't, I'll be in hot soup. I'll be burning in Hell and that's something no one wants.
A question in the same context was posed - how do you want to be remembered upon your death?
It did set me thinking. For people to remember my talents, I feel, is not as good as remembering my character. I went on to think of those who matter to me. The time I've spent with them is precious but really, time in itself is relative. I can be emotionally intimate with someone I've known for a few years as compared to someone else I've known for decades. It's really the personality of the person and God's seal of approval upon the relationship.
However, my conclusion is that I can't determine or choose how they'll remember me then. In turn, what should matter is that God remembers me because if He doesn't, I'll be in hot soup. I'll be burning in Hell and that's something no one wants.
Silence is not abnormal
It is not easy to get used to silence between two people but silence is not a bad thing. It really lets us get comfortable just being WITH each other, enjoying each other's PRESENCE. Incessant chatting can cause us to say things we later realise we shouldn't have said at that point in time. Sometimes wounds do take a long time to heal completely, though things may seem fine on the surface.
Deciding not to give in.
The title would cause one to think it is about temptation but it can be about emotion too. Sometimes that can make us do things harmful to ourselves. No, I don't mean suicide, of course not. I am referring to eating out of depression.
It's so ironic that I am writing this immediately after receiving a subscribed email on seeking solace in other things when upset.
A long walk is good to think things through actually. Talking things out to a trusted friend is another option or what about writing things out, whether in a personal diary or in a blog?
Isolation is not recommended but I find myself lapsing into it, especially when I don't seem to get understanding after confiding. I use this process to talk to God.
Ok, I'm drifting away from the topic. I was upset over the weekend and wanted to give in to eating my favourite food, XXL Chicken from Shilin. However I knew that it was a result of being upset. I didn't exactly crave for it. It was like using the food to make myself less depressed. So I made a conscious decision to get something healthy like sushi and I'm proud that I managed to discipline myself to do so.
Thus the key solution to this problem is discipline. When you're aware in your mind that you're eating to escape from a problem and not because you want to eat, that's a warning to your body not to give in to that desire. The choice is really yours from that moment on.
It's so ironic that I am writing this immediately after receiving a subscribed email on seeking solace in other things when upset.
A long walk is good to think things through actually. Talking things out to a trusted friend is another option or what about writing things out, whether in a personal diary or in a blog?
Isolation is not recommended but I find myself lapsing into it, especially when I don't seem to get understanding after confiding. I use this process to talk to God.
Ok, I'm drifting away from the topic. I was upset over the weekend and wanted to give in to eating my favourite food, XXL Chicken from Shilin. However I knew that it was a result of being upset. I didn't exactly crave for it. It was like using the food to make myself less depressed. So I made a conscious decision to get something healthy like sushi and I'm proud that I managed to discipline myself to do so.
Thus the key solution to this problem is discipline. When you're aware in your mind that you're eating to escape from a problem and not because you want to eat, that's a warning to your body not to give in to that desire. The choice is really yours from that moment on.
Surviving in this craziness
I dunno if it's the upbringing or training that results in this absolutely repulsive way of getting things across. I resent parents and teachers telling their kids that they "got everything wrong". It's so off-putting! If effort has been put in, then the kids can't be blamed because they didn't purposely get them wrong. It's because they find it difficult to understand the concept taught and that's not a crime.
It's even more irking to know that unnecessary pressure is placed on the kids in the name of preparing them. Things'll occur in their natural progression at the right time. Letting kids learn things that they'll learn later on as they progress in their level of education is still acceptable but what is clearly unacceptable is getting angry and annoyed with them when they can't get it. Of course they can't! They're learning things beyond their academic understanding at that particular point in time! That's unfair to them. You should at the very least make it simple to understand or tell them it's something new for their benefit.
Oh, I'm not a student if you think that I'm recounting my learning experiences as one. On the contrary, I'm a teacher myself and I use "unorthodox and unconventional" teaching methods. I encourage and praise kids for even the smallest things they can do. It's not done for the sake of getting them to do my work but with sincerity. I teach according to their needs. Oh, trust me, this makes a whole lot of difference. When the student's already pressurized in school or from other tutors, I make my lesson more relaxing and I'm not guilty about it.
I don't believe in forcing the kids to do work and absorb knowledge when they're tired or troubled. Instead I use the time to let them talk things out. Oh no, it's not a waste of time. Look, even if you force them, they won't absorb anything. Now that's wasting time! However, if you bother to even listen to them, you'll create rapport with them and gain their trust. Now that's a rare gift from teaching. I'm not the only one who practises this method too. A friend who's teaching in a school does too and she's faring well with her class. So there. What have you got to say?! Stop being so rigid in your ways man!
Another irksome thing done is when kids hear negative things about them. It's more sensible to say them when the kids are away, isn't it?! This is a rhetorical question so the answer's obvious. By saying it in front of them, you're 'killing' their spirit. They'll grow up thinking they're hopeless cases and develop an inferiority complex when it's totally untrue. I'm still trying to fight this mindset because I grew up in this 'murderous' environment. I don't want the kids under me to go through what I did.
Another taboo word is comparison. There's dissatisfaction and lack of appreciation at the efforts put in. It's not reverse psychology to spur them on but destruction of their fighting desire. Do you seriously think they'll know you're trying to make them prove you wrong?! Get out of here.
Oh, of course this shouldn't be applied to the teaching of music because that requires perfection and accuracy as far as possible. I'm perfectly aware of this because I'm in the music field too. Don't you worry about that!
It's even more irking to know that unnecessary pressure is placed on the kids in the name of preparing them. Things'll occur in their natural progression at the right time. Letting kids learn things that they'll learn later on as they progress in their level of education is still acceptable but what is clearly unacceptable is getting angry and annoyed with them when they can't get it. Of course they can't! They're learning things beyond their academic understanding at that particular point in time! That's unfair to them. You should at the very least make it simple to understand or tell them it's something new for their benefit.
Oh, I'm not a student if you think that I'm recounting my learning experiences as one. On the contrary, I'm a teacher myself and I use "unorthodox and unconventional" teaching methods. I encourage and praise kids for even the smallest things they can do. It's not done for the sake of getting them to do my work but with sincerity. I teach according to their needs. Oh, trust me, this makes a whole lot of difference. When the student's already pressurized in school or from other tutors, I make my lesson more relaxing and I'm not guilty about it.
I don't believe in forcing the kids to do work and absorb knowledge when they're tired or troubled. Instead I use the time to let them talk things out. Oh no, it's not a waste of time. Look, even if you force them, they won't absorb anything. Now that's wasting time! However, if you bother to even listen to them, you'll create rapport with them and gain their trust. Now that's a rare gift from teaching. I'm not the only one who practises this method too. A friend who's teaching in a school does too and she's faring well with her class. So there. What have you got to say?! Stop being so rigid in your ways man!
Another irksome thing done is when kids hear negative things about them. It's more sensible to say them when the kids are away, isn't it?! This is a rhetorical question so the answer's obvious. By saying it in front of them, you're 'killing' their spirit. They'll grow up thinking they're hopeless cases and develop an inferiority complex when it's totally untrue. I'm still trying to fight this mindset because I grew up in this 'murderous' environment. I don't want the kids under me to go through what I did.
Another taboo word is comparison. There's dissatisfaction and lack of appreciation at the efforts put in. It's not reverse psychology to spur them on but destruction of their fighting desire. Do you seriously think they'll know you're trying to make them prove you wrong?! Get out of here.
Oh, of course this shouldn't be applied to the teaching of music because that requires perfection and accuracy as far as possible. I'm perfectly aware of this because I'm in the music field too. Don't you worry about that!
Comparison with others - instilling inferiority or reverse psychology?
Dr James Dobson has these enlightening tidbits in the newspapers on living life as it should be, though this concept in itself is subjective. I refer to one on comparisons amongst people.
I believe that this has been used as a tool of motivation by the older generation teachers. I myself am a living testimony. I have developed an inferiority complex and doubt my own abilites, even when people tell me my strengths. It is definitely NOT successful in being reverse psychology, spurring students on to prove people wrong in their belief of the students' incapabilities. It actually develops an inferiority complex in students. They won't know that the teachers mean to motivate them. They aren't adults! Dr Dobson mentioned that they will live up to these labels placed upon them instead. Parents and teachers, read this! I think those in charge of children should choose their words carefully when talking to them at least, if not about them to others!
It is also extremely frustrating when instead of understanding that the students have tried their best to achieve, teachers and parents too blame them for not achieving better than their peers. What is their problem??! I was really irritated when I was asked why I had only obtained a 3rd-class honours grade for my degree as compared to my classmate who had obtained an upper second-class honours grade. I could have just got a bachelor degree without honours or even have had to retake my papers, for goodness sake!! That is why I don't do this to my students. I don't want them to experience those same feelings I had when it was done to me. Instead I encourage them and show them their small but significant progresses.
I believe that this has been used as a tool of motivation by the older generation teachers. I myself am a living testimony. I have developed an inferiority complex and doubt my own abilites, even when people tell me my strengths. It is definitely NOT successful in being reverse psychology, spurring students on to prove people wrong in their belief of the students' incapabilities. It actually develops an inferiority complex in students. They won't know that the teachers mean to motivate them. They aren't adults! Dr Dobson mentioned that they will live up to these labels placed upon them instead. Parents and teachers, read this! I think those in charge of children should choose their words carefully when talking to them at least, if not about them to others!
It is also extremely frustrating when instead of understanding that the students have tried their best to achieve, teachers and parents too blame them for not achieving better than their peers. What is their problem??! I was really irritated when I was asked why I had only obtained a 3rd-class honours grade for my degree as compared to my classmate who had obtained an upper second-class honours grade. I could have just got a bachelor degree without honours or even have had to retake my papers, for goodness sake!! That is why I don't do this to my students. I don't want them to experience those same feelings I had when it was done to me. Instead I encourage them and show them their small but significant progresses.
School bonding
The pleasures of school life extend beyond just activities and events held for enrichment purposes though. The most prominent one is that of comaraderie among the friends one makes in school. I remember the times spent going to eat at the nearby eating places or to hang out at the nearby shopping mall after school, the times spent going to buy snacks and sweets to munch on while studying in the library, as the exams drew near, the times spent helping one another through the preparations, both intellectually and emotionally, the times spent laughing over the teachers' antics and sharing ghost stories and the times spent being there for one another when there were personal problems to deal with.
Yet another one is teachers' help, guidance and patience with students. My lecturers and tutors spent time with us in the library as the exam preparations grew more intense, gave us pep talks to encourage us so that we weaker students didn't feel neglected or ostracized due to favouritism and addressed questions that may have appeared stupid to them with immaculate patience and heaving no insults upon us. These exceptional teachers made a difference and I actually passed their subjects as opposed to those who gave up on us because we failed their subjects.
Yet another one is teachers' help, guidance and patience with students. My lecturers and tutors spent time with us in the library as the exam preparations grew more intense, gave us pep talks to encourage us so that we weaker students didn't feel neglected or ostracized due to favouritism and addressed questions that may have appeared stupid to them with immaculate patience and heaving no insults upon us. These exceptional teachers made a difference and I actually passed their subjects as opposed to those who gave up on us because we failed their subjects.
Lessons in teaching
The values parents inculcate in their children can be dangerous towards their total well-being. Sometimes the examples parents set can influence their kids. When they vent their anger on their kids after a bad day at work, their kids will do the same as well. This is selfish and hurts innocent parties who bear the brunt of their moods. They can be insensitive to their children's feelings as well. They try to teach the children values to follow but do it in front of outsiders and embarrass them in the process.
Teaching is more than just academia. It consists of the mental, spiritual and emotional aspects as well. It is really a holistic focus. My secondary alma mater focused on developing the student as a person. Somehow this value has unconsciously infiltrated my internal system and I live it in the way I teach. I have little "chilling out" talks or lighter activities with my students if I think things are too heavy for them.
Sometimes gender doesn't affect the character of a person. To think that way is a clouded judgement. I was really unwell during tuition and trusted my student to do the work I had assigned. He did. It may be because he holds a leadership post in his CCA but I am still grateful to him.
Teaching is more than just academia. It consists of the mental, spiritual and emotional aspects as well. It is really a holistic focus. My secondary alma mater focused on developing the student as a person. Somehow this value has unconsciously infiltrated my internal system and I live it in the way I teach. I have little "chilling out" talks or lighter activities with my students if I think things are too heavy for them.
Sometimes gender doesn't affect the character of a person. To think that way is a clouded judgement. I was really unwell during tuition and trusted my student to do the work I had assigned. He did. It may be because he holds a leadership post in his CCA but I am still grateful to him.
Making a fuss over small things? Such childishness!
I gave my friend a birthday treat last night. We arranged to meet at 7pm but she was very late. I got angry because she has always been late for our meetings ever since we regained contact a few months back.
However the time spent waiting gave me a chance to cool down and think things through. She was definitely not doing it on purpose. Since she drives, she was probably caught in a traffic jam or else had to finish last-minute work. I was really afraid that she couldn't make it because of work given at the last-minute or that we couldn't get seats. People seemed to be only streaming into the restaurant rather than any coming out. I then convinced myself by telling myself that it'd be petty to stay angry at her because she didn't deliberately come late and to let such a small matter affect our long-lost friendship would be pure stupidity.
When she came, she apologised profusely, explaining that she had last-minute work to finish. I knew that I had made the right decision earlier. I told her about the feelings running through my mind whilst waiting for her.
This leads me to the topic of girls getting angry with their partners for coming late. I believe that if it is unintentional, then to blow up over a small issue like this is too childish. It shows a lack of understanding. Some girls even believe that they can keep their guys waiting because they need to doll up but they can't be kept waiting. What nonsense!! Well, different girls have different tolerance levels.
I once witnessed a girl making a big fuss over being stepped on accidentally by her male counterpart. She was wearing open-toe shoes and he had trodden on her toes. She was scolding him continuously and her voice was pretty loud. He explained in a softer voice that he didn't mean to and not to continue making a scene. She said it was a normal reaction. My gosh! Yes, she was dressed prettily but her behaviour doesn't exactly complement it.
I notice that some girls seem to think they should be treated like princesses by their boyfriends. I mean, don't the guys deserve to be treated well too?? Such arrogance to me. They expect their partners to be gentlemanly towards them by opening doors for them and to buy whatever they desire at whatever cost despite the fact that their partners may not be earning much. What's worse, they extend this demand of being treated like a princess to their friends too! What horror!
I don't really advocate receiving flowers and candlelight dinners on Valentine's Day because the higher prices will set them back by a fortune. I think girls have to really open their eyes and hearts to see that the little but significant things that the guys do for them are just as impactful.
However the time spent waiting gave me a chance to cool down and think things through. She was definitely not doing it on purpose. Since she drives, she was probably caught in a traffic jam or else had to finish last-minute work. I was really afraid that she couldn't make it because of work given at the last-minute or that we couldn't get seats. People seemed to be only streaming into the restaurant rather than any coming out. I then convinced myself by telling myself that it'd be petty to stay angry at her because she didn't deliberately come late and to let such a small matter affect our long-lost friendship would be pure stupidity.
When she came, she apologised profusely, explaining that she had last-minute work to finish. I knew that I had made the right decision earlier. I told her about the feelings running through my mind whilst waiting for her.
This leads me to the topic of girls getting angry with their partners for coming late. I believe that if it is unintentional, then to blow up over a small issue like this is too childish. It shows a lack of understanding. Some girls even believe that they can keep their guys waiting because they need to doll up but they can't be kept waiting. What nonsense!! Well, different girls have different tolerance levels.
I once witnessed a girl making a big fuss over being stepped on accidentally by her male counterpart. She was wearing open-toe shoes and he had trodden on her toes. She was scolding him continuously and her voice was pretty loud. He explained in a softer voice that he didn't mean to and not to continue making a scene. She said it was a normal reaction. My gosh! Yes, she was dressed prettily but her behaviour doesn't exactly complement it.
I notice that some girls seem to think they should be treated like princesses by their boyfriends. I mean, don't the guys deserve to be treated well too?? Such arrogance to me. They expect their partners to be gentlemanly towards them by opening doors for them and to buy whatever they desire at whatever cost despite the fact that their partners may not be earning much. What's worse, they extend this demand of being treated like a princess to their friends too! What horror!
I don't really advocate receiving flowers and candlelight dinners on Valentine's Day because the higher prices will set them back by a fortune. I think girls have to really open their eyes and hearts to see that the little but significant things that the guys do for them are just as impactful.
fyi
How Guys Cope With Being Dumped
They become hermits.
They hang out with their buddies.
They stalk their exs.
They do stupid things.
They date other girls who are like their exs, initially.
They become hermits.
They hang out with their buddies.
They stalk their exs.
They do stupid things.
They date other girls who are like their exs, initially.
True love
"What can men learn from women?"
The most universal truth to this question however, would be to learn how to love through fully giving of oneself to another. I'm not referring to sexual intimacy of course. Yes, there is a risk of doing so but that is the true meaning of what love really is. We will get hurt in the process but love is to give till it hurts, without any hope for reciprocation but for the good of another. It may mean sacrificing and letting go but our Lord Jesus did it and a modern example too is Mother Teresa.
The most universal truth to this question however, would be to learn how to love through fully giving of oneself to another. I'm not referring to sexual intimacy of course. Yes, there is a risk of doing so but that is the true meaning of what love really is. We will get hurt in the process but love is to give till it hurts, without any hope for reciprocation but for the good of another. It may mean sacrificing and letting go but our Lord Jesus did it and a modern example too is Mother Teresa.
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