Somehow looking at the new reminds me of the old. I am starting to develop deeper imaginings, even to the point of the subconscious's nocturnal workings. Still, it was nice to experience the classic manners of a gentleman for a short while, even if it was purely to offer help :)
To be objective however, the new is not the old. I think thoughts of the old have clouded my perception of the new. They are dissimilar. Their characters, singing and speaking voices, and inclinations are not the same. It is perhaps really the qualities that I look for, which the new somewhat possesses, that draw me in, though he cannot surpass the old. The old ultimately wins.
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Bonding
The conversations, outings and musical gifts I have been blest with by my bestie; the more comfortable feelings that have surfaced from them; enough to be more frank with him, are really a treasure trove of memories which can be opened again and again, after he has gone Home. It is his legacy to me, our shared times.
We do go back a long way and I am glad I stuck it out by him despite others' dissuasions. I cannot bear to leave him when his best friends have and when he is going through so much. I think he knows by now who is really there for him and who is really good to him. It is not that I want him to know though. Love, after all, is giving without expecting any repayment, just for the good of the other.
I think male and female besties share a special friendship which is different from that shared between female besties. They can be innocently playful with each other, as if they are children. No lustful thoughts about each other cross their minds. Of course, this applies to only platonic friendships based on mutual trust. I witnessed this for the first time. It is really the perception of others that mar this bond. I had this experience with my own bestie but I marred it due to my own romantic thought. :S He probably did it in pure clean fun.
Still, I am proud of having had my romantic feelings for him decreased with time. They are now more platonic. I am thankful that they have been viewed as so too, that he has not been scared off. It made me feel so grateful for our friendship; the fact that it is getting tighter and stronger. Most friendships of different genders don't survive this. It also reflects well on his maturity. It definitely proves the strength of our friendship and affirms my worth as a friend too.
On the other hand, joking about the degree of closeness between friends is not exactly funny. How can one find humour at deceiving someone else about the type of friendship shared with her friend, especially when his future is at stake here? It is not a matter of taking words said too seriously but of "cheating" someone else's perception of the friendship.
We do go back a long way and I am glad I stuck it out by him despite others' dissuasions. I cannot bear to leave him when his best friends have and when he is going through so much. I think he knows by now who is really there for him and who is really good to him. It is not that I want him to know though. Love, after all, is giving without expecting any repayment, just for the good of the other.
I think male and female besties share a special friendship which is different from that shared between female besties. They can be innocently playful with each other, as if they are children. No lustful thoughts about each other cross their minds. Of course, this applies to only platonic friendships based on mutual trust. I witnessed this for the first time. It is really the perception of others that mar this bond. I had this experience with my own bestie but I marred it due to my own romantic thought. :S He probably did it in pure clean fun.
Still, I am proud of having had my romantic feelings for him decreased with time. They are now more platonic. I am thankful that they have been viewed as so too, that he has not been scared off. It made me feel so grateful for our friendship; the fact that it is getting tighter and stronger. Most friendships of different genders don't survive this. It also reflects well on his maturity. It definitely proves the strength of our friendship and affirms my worth as a friend too.
On the other hand, joking about the degree of closeness between friends is not exactly funny. How can one find humour at deceiving someone else about the type of friendship shared with her friend, especially when his future is at stake here? It is not a matter of taking words said too seriously but of "cheating" someone else's perception of the friendship.
Friday, October 5, 2012
A wedding after my own heart
I attended an old friend's wedding mass and it was the second wedding that made me teary in all the weddings I have attended. As I saw her enter the church, I felt as if my childhood friend was getting married. It really meant a lot to be invited to it.
Marrying a Eurasian meant that certain traditions would reflect the culture. As my friend walked up the aisle, I was blown away by her bridesmaids' dresses. The dresses' closest colour I can think of is light bronze, and they had lace sleeves and hemlines. The length was till the knees. They looked like vintage cocktail dresses!
When my friend walked in, I was in love with her wedding gown. It had similar lace sleeves with a lace neckline, and looked like a ballgown. I liked her traditional costume too. It had colours of pink and purple. I especially liked her pearl jewellery set which complemented the costume :)
The hymns were traditional and the readings were meaningful. The first reading was one that was close to my heart, taken from the Song of Songs book. That book is a love song between God and Man, in the same way that a man should love a woman. It really was a wedding that had love and friendship. It was good seeing her parents and rejoicing together with them. I also liked catching up with some friends during the reception :)
Marrying a Eurasian meant that certain traditions would reflect the culture. As my friend walked up the aisle, I was blown away by her bridesmaids' dresses. The dresses' closest colour I can think of is light bronze, and they had lace sleeves and hemlines. The length was till the knees. They looked like vintage cocktail dresses!
When my friend walked in, I was in love with her wedding gown. It had similar lace sleeves with a lace neckline, and looked like a ballgown. I liked her traditional costume too. It had colours of pink and purple. I especially liked her pearl jewellery set which complemented the costume :)
The hymns were traditional and the readings were meaningful. The first reading was one that was close to my heart, taken from the Song of Songs book. That book is a love song between God and Man, in the same way that a man should love a woman. It really was a wedding that had love and friendship. It was good seeing her parents and rejoicing together with them. I also liked catching up with some friends during the reception :)
Monday, August 13, 2012
Social relationships
In the process of human relationships, there may be conflicts. I must learn how to be calm and diplomatic in the midst of confrontation. This definitely stems from the regular introspection towards life that one has.
It makes a difference when a hug means initiating peace with and releasing a grudge/judgement against the very person I hug. :)
It makes a difference when a hug means initiating peace with and releasing a grudge/judgement against the very person I hug. :)
Friday, August 10, 2012
You
A dream, doing anything for you, grabbing rare time with u
A glimpse, confirmation of you, another glimpse. Missed.
Besties, apart; separate, special within me.
Your happiness, my guide, my strength.
My secret place, realization
Time and age, differing ways
Detailed knowledge, maintained ranking
Inspired by you, my hero
Peace, joy, smiles.
A glimpse, confirmation of you, another glimpse. Missed.
Besties, apart; separate, special within me.
Your happiness, my guide, my strength.
My secret place, realization
Time and age, differing ways
Detailed knowledge, maintained ranking
Inspired by you, my hero
Peace, joy, smiles.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Superficial conversations
I really cringed at a superficial chat I had on the phone. I was thinking of shallow topics to bring up in order to fill the conversation. I also felt that I was displaying insincere compromising in my opinions. This is due to a lesson I learnt, that some people don't like to be disagreed with.
It got so bad that I had to deliberately look at the time and remark that time had passed so quickly. That ended the conversation. Phew!
At the same time, I don't enjoy deliberate conversations which border on what I am doing at that moment or where I am going to eat at for my meals. They get on my nerves and sometimes I purposely use a cold tone to answer them :S
It got so bad that I had to deliberately look at the time and remark that time had passed so quickly. That ended the conversation. Phew!
At the same time, I don't enjoy deliberate conversations which border on what I am doing at that moment or where I am going to eat at for my meals. They get on my nerves and sometimes I purposely use a cold tone to answer them :S
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Bestie-ism
It is heartening and joyous to note that I am still regarded as dependable by my bestie. Despite the lack of contact, I am thought of when feedback is required. It means that my opinions matter and you know what, they do! They were found useful :) Somehow, my conductor was right. If you love more than what is unexpected of you, people will know that you truly love them(paraphrased). My bestie knows that I try to be as supportive as I can and I try to make up for the times I am not.
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